The Enneagram Type 4 is known as the Romantic Individualist.
Neighbors to the Type 3, they share some tendencies toward performance, but type 4 is more focused on their uniqueness and individuality. The Type 4 is by far the most creative and ingenious of the enneagram numbers and because of their unique perspective on life, sometimes they feel so "different" that they feel like they don't fit in anywhere!
A Type 4 can get trapped in the thinking that they are always "TOO MUCH" or "NOT ENOUGH" (and sometimes both) for the people and the world around them!
A Type 4 is inspiring (and inspired), highly creative, expressive of their emotions, authentic (and values authenticity from others - others' emotions DO NOT frighten them). They find delight in the beauty of life and seek to create authentic and beautiful environments and experiences for themselves and others. Because of their deep desire to be valued for their uniqueness, sometimes they can come across needy and self-absorbed.
At the Core: A Type 4 believes that they are so unique and different from the world around them that there is NO POSSIBLE WAY that they could ever be fully seen or understood in the truest sense of who they are. They fear not having significance in life, being abandoned (physically and emotionally), and being emotionally cut off from those they love and who makes them feel safe. They long to be original, and unique and to find deep acceptance and delight from others in their individualistic style. Their childhood message is that it's not okay to be functional or happy because no one sees or values them for who they really are anyway.
The Type 4 is in the heart triad because their hearts (or their emotions) are where they receive information from the world. The type 4 is considered the most emotional of all the enneagram numbers because they both receive and process information through their emotional center.
This is the first number we have discussed who is in the withdrawn stance. Fours along with Fives and Nines tend to pull away when they feel threatened. Fours specifically have a longing to be rescued and seen, so they pull back hoping someone will notice and come seek them out.
Fours value being understood in conflict and feel like they are frequently misunderstood. Because of this, they might escalate the conflict when feeling hurt and unseen. Ultimately, the issue become about more than "the issue" as they draw in all of their connecting emotions about the root problem.
Their ideals are rarely realized, and this results in frustration and woundedness. They are left with a longing because their high expectations of life were not met. Ideally, for a Four, everyone in the world would live authentically and see and appreciate how special they are in their uniqueness.
A Type 4 in growth moves to the high side of a Type 1, willing to walk in truth "warts and all" and do not go toward shame when they are found lacking. They are determined to understand the truth of their experiences, not just their feelings about truth. In Stress, a Type 4 moves toward the low side of a type 2, fearing that their needs will never be met and struggling with self-image and low self esteem. They may even find themselves conforming to groups in order to finally find acceptance. They tend to create a fantasy-identity and foster bitterness and hold onto grudges toward those who have not accepted the uniqueness of who they are.
A Type four is constantly asking: What's Missing? They feel like they are fundamentally flawed and will never fit it, so they are left ever searching for the illusive identity they long for.
An Enneagram Type 4 wants to experience all the FEELS of pregnancy and birth. They want their experience to be rich, rewarding, unique, and beautiful. They may have deep emotional desires for their birth experience and long for others to understand their deep heart and longings.
They may fanaticize about labor, birth, and motherhood, imagining all the wonderful and unique ways they will engage their senses and remember their experience. Yet, though having deep desires, they may find it hard to express them as they fear they could never be understood or accomplished (or maybe that they don't deserve to have a delightful experience!)
Type 4s may fear that they don't possess enough creative energy, unique perspective, or individual inner strength to have the experience they long for, and they may withdraw feeling inadequate and frustrated. A Type 4 would do well to hold to the truth that they are already enough. They already have everything they need to experience the birth they long for!
A Type 4 in pregnancy and birth needs to be seen, known, and heard in their desires (and told that these desires are valid and validate who they are as a person!) They will need grace and time to process if their expectations change in labor and birth. And they may need to be sought out and their hearts pursued so they feel like they are completely understood in all of their feelings. A Type 4 can also use consistent encouragement to look for the beauty that is laced through their birth experience and to open their hands to what IS in contentment and gratitude. Beauty can be found everywhere. They just need to be willing to see!
As a type 4, your birth can be beautiful, delightful, unique, and hold true to exactly who you are! Are you a type 4? How did your personality affect your labor and birth experience?
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